Sunday, September 11, 2016

Adrenaline As Self Medication?

Flower Drum Song is a Rogers and Hammerstein musical set in San Francisco. It became a movie in 1961 and has some fun songs and lyrics in it, like:  "Grant Avenue, San Francisco, California, USA. Dong Dong you're in Hong Kong, over a foggy bay."

One of my favorites from that show, which my high school put on in 1965, was "Sunday, sweet Sunday, with nothin' to do. Lazy and lovely, my one day with you.... While all the funny papers lie or fly around the place, I will try my kisses on your funny face..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9zUfakqqc4

I think I liked those lyrics because they held a light of possibility for weekends. Things so luxurious as "lazy and lovely" rest and recreation have been elusive for me this lifetime.

Maybe I'm a creature of habit? You might say addicted to adrenaline. By Sunday night, I'm usually feeling the full effect of my effective procrastination schemes. I know I'm not alone in feeling a certain sense of dread as the light begins to fade on the last hours of the last day of the weekend. While some folks wax ecstatic about the joys they anticipate during Saturday and Sunday, others of us recall, with stomach clenched and jaw set, the Sunday night fights, when dad's weekly paycheck didn't quite cover the weekly bills mom had wrung up. The blame game generally would run for some time between the dread red setting of the sun, and the inevitable Monday morning glare of light. This was a different kind of "home run."

Highly charged events. Lots of adrenaline in the household.

Term papers were another source of angst and the all-nighters to complete them. In the days before computers, that meant hours of agonizingly slow typing and dozens of strike out powdered papers that almost covered over the error and allowed me to re-type the misspelled word, or other goof.

Oh, and what about forgetting 'til the last moment to wash those damned, stinky gym clothes, that spent the weekend in my book bag and now needed bleach to get out the spots of black mold that grew from Friday's track sweat and the apple core at the bottom of the bag?  I spent the weekend in the hammock with an un-putable-downable Ray Bradbury novel. Guilty pleasure.

In the musical, "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown," there's a wonderful song, "A Book Report on Peter Rabbit." In it, the main characters each sing a distinctive part. Charlie Brown's part was written about and for me, I'm sure:

"If I start writing now, when I'm not really rested, it could upset my thinking, which is not good at all. I can start fresh tomorrow and it's not due till Wednesday, so I'll have all of Tuesday, unless something should happen... Why does this always happen, I should be outside playing, getting fresh air and sunshine, I work best under pressure and there'll be lots of pressure if I wait till tomorrow...
I should start writing now..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZEmxby8g8A

So... here it is, Sunday night, and I'm feeling the pressure of wanting to post something on mymondaymuse. I've mostly kept it going since May 2011. Yikes! That's almost five and a half years! I started it as a commitment to my writerly self - just to show up once a week - writing. The habit has helped. Since the move to the Bay Area, I've joined three separate writing groups, and as my client load is much diminished, I'm finding time for some specific projects. Sunday, September 25, I'll be one of four authors presenting at an event called "Works In Progress." I'm rarely satisfied with what I've written, but I'm happy that the date has given me a "live-line" to work toward as I strive to get better at this craft.

Yes, I keep choosing the hot-seat version of consciousness rather than the carrot before the horse version. Like Charlie Brown, I work best under pressure... with the familiar adrenaline coursing through my veins. Who needs caffeine?

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