Sunday, March 29, 2015

Practicing Stories

Grand Lakes District is singularly colorful. I see one green swathe of park, one blue sky with a high puffy cloud watching itself in one very beautiful Lake Merritt, and hundreds of flowers, and doggies, and people, oh, MY! This Farmer’s Market adventure is off to a fine start. Now, all I have to do is find a place to park this busy Saturday.

I spy a space on a side street off Grand, make a U-turn, and pull up curbside, behind a woman who is trying to park her car. There’s a driveway in front of her and one behind me. This patch of curb is barely adequate for her long-nosed sedan and my compact SUV.  Before she turns off her engine, I stick my head out the window and, in my most cheerful voice, ask, “Helloooo Excuse me, are you willing to pull forward about six inches?”

She looks back, recognizing the situation for the first time, and pulls forward. It’s as if she has to start all over, again, pulling away from the curb, turning her wheels this way and that, over shooting her driveway, and backing up again. I realize this realignment is no small feat for her. I leave my engine running and get out to guide her into the space, which is conveniently marked with barely visible white lines. She observes a car parked oddly on a landing above a short flight of brick steps. It’s tail pipe juts out over the sidewalk about level with the roof of her car.

“I hope he,” gesturing to the car just to the right of the driveway, “doesn’t roll down onto me.”

“I think he’ll just back down the driveway, the way he got up there. Thanks so much for making space, so both of us can park!”

“That’s OK.”

I make up this story: She’s a widow, seventy- seven years of age, transplanted from New York. She learned to drive late in life, only after moving to California with her husband, whom she loved so much and misses every day. 

“Thanks, again! I appreciate your kindness, so we could both park here!” I shout out, while gathering my shopping bags. She minces haltingly across the street. Without turning around, which looks as if it would be painful, she waves her hand and walks through a parking lot. “$7- all day” the sign reads. I feel lucky.

The carnival begins as I cross Grand Avenue. There’s a flow of spring-dressed folks coming toward me with bulging bags of kale, chard, and flowers from the market. Chatting and gesturing, with brought-from-home thermos mugs, (Oakland is Berkeley adjacent and oh so PC!), their faces are animated. People look happy and involved. I miss my honey at my side, but know it’s only temporary, and that he’ll be home from camp Sunday, Another day I’ll bring him adventuring with me in our new city. Soon perhaps, I’ll have new friends with whom to explore.

There’s an assortment of metal bar configurations, stationed throughout the park.  They are used for stretching. I cannot resist doing a chin-up. I ask a young man standing under this open triangle of uprights, with bars at various heights, if I may share the space with him. He simply stands, not uttering a word. Perhaps he is newly arrived from Nigeria, is waiting for someone at this tall landmark, and doesn’t understand my question. I choose the medium height one and pull myself up. It feels soooo good to hang-out my back. “Don’t you just love how that feels? Crick Crack, Happy Back!” He just smiles at me wide-eyed. A young couple juggling diaper bags, stroller, and obligatory coffee mugs pause. She says, “Very impressive!” 

“It just feels so good,” I blush, feeling conspicuous. Maybe it’s the white hair that makes my chin-up unexpected. It feels good and normal to me. 

Her story, I imagine, is that she longs to return to the gym, but her life is full of baby care and making sense of this newness of being an on-call parent 24/7. I like the way Mark says it: “Parenting is a verb, an active verb!” Fortunately, for most of us, there are so many seasons in a life. Mine is the season to do anything I want to do! I’m exhilarated, wanting to run and skip. Instead, I wait chafed by the “Don’t Walk” sign, and by people who ignore it, while I’m being oh, so good and patient. Next time, when I know the traffic patterns better, maybe I’ll just do as I please and run across the street to the beckoning festival of fun under the freeway. (Yes, Mom, I will look both ways!)

My first stop: Organic Kale - both curly and Lacinato - and red chard. So beautiful. So are the gals who do the cash bit, standing behind a table at the head of the two lines. One is tall and femininely cross- dressed; the other is a short woman in men's clothes. As she takes my dollars, I say, “This is my first time here. What do you recommend?”

“In all objectivity, our place is best for greens, but over there,” she gestures to a stall with a wall of blue flats stacked eight feet high, “they have the best strawberries.” Then there’s ‘Goh Hay’ for really fresh eggs,” she points. 

“Thanks!”

In fact, the basil at that blue flat stall is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen, and the strawberries have sold-out! I fill my bag with Basil and Cilantro and Parsley, oh, MY! $5 for three bunches not bad!

I sample carrots at the egg place and buy some of those sweet crunchies along with a dozen mixed-colored eggs from a variety of chickens. Mother and eight year old daughter have just moved their table out of the shifting sun. Mom asks, 

“Do you want the tops off the carrots?”

“Do you know some bunnies who will eat the greens?” Later, I will remember that my neighbor Anne has bunnies who might like those carrot tops. Next time.


“I have four bunnies,” says the girl. Mom tilts her head proudly as if to say, “There’s your answer.”

“Sure, in that case,” I say. “Better the bunnies than the compost!”  

Betcha these folks live in Napa, it’s green all year round, they have goats, chickens, and pot-belly pigs to keep the bunnies company. Mom and dad are strained and drained because growing and selling their produce is hard work. Brother is with dad now, at another farmer’s market, while the third child, a colicky cry-baby, is home with grandma.

Having sampled raw olives and some divine hand-pressed oil, and having purchased a white sage plant from a biodynamic grower of medicinal herbs, and having engaged in conversations with several genuinely interesting people, I make my way back under the freeway, thanking again the gal at the first stall who told me so nicely where to go. 

I get my weight-bearing exercise carrying my groceries up the hill to where I parked. The NY woman’s car is still intact, and the car on the landing is gone!

Next stop is the post office to mail some CDs. The fourth P.O. my GPS finds for me is OPEN!  The line is out the door. I chat with a man who IS from Nigeria, actually, and reminds me of my dear Shaman, Henrique, in his white daishiki and beret. I hold his place in line while he retrieves his envelope from the car. I tell him, I’m glad I’m not the only one who sometimes forgetting simple things. We laugh.

He and I and the woman from China, in front of me, of whom I’ve just asked if there is a self-service machine that she knows of, (there is not), all become captive audience for a Pilipino gentleman ahead, leaning his elbows on his walker, and telling us about all his injuries as former postal worker, and as a former soldier. 


Facts may be stranger, or more interesting than fiction! Or not. Either way, it’s fun to Practice Story.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Home, Home…

Blogging, blogging over an open vein

It’s Sunday night my stomach’s tight sitting to write again

Slogging, slogging through events of the week

News is grim for her and him, they’re on a losing streak...


Actually...

We have been enjoying house guests who arrived from L.A. late Sunday, to do The Painted Turtle Camp Outreach at Bay Area Hospitals. They’ll stay here with us the better part of the week ahead, then spirit my hunny Punny down south to attend one of the family camps there. It’s late as I write. I’ve been cooking most of the day, probably to avoid writing. Tomorrow, I’ll attend two writing classes, one at mid day, the other in the evening. Why does my ink-well feel dry?

While rearranging my office, I came across some lyrics I penned at an APPPAH conference several years ago. It was to accompany the presentation of a quilt to Thomas Verny, then president of The Association for Pre- and Peri-natal Psychology and Health. The quilt was made by the Home Birth special interest group which met during lunch, over the course of four days. 

I remember that it was fun to write the song quite spontaneously. That sort of writing... in a time-crunch box, seems easier, on-fire, all cylinders whirring to beat the clock. Why hasn’t the clock here in my kitchen struck midnight and inspired me to catch on fire?

Sigh... Here’s the song I found in my APPPAH file:

To the tune of Home, Home on the Range

At home, home we arrange
Everything to give birth our own way
Moms and babies will dance
If we give them the chance
And the rest of the family can play

Home, home is for birth
It’s the place all the creatures on earth
Have always gone to, 
‘cause they know what to do
And they do it their own special way

Home, home is not strange
It’s cozy and we want to stay
Where seldom is heard
A disparaging word
And we keep interventions at bay


The Home Birth Committee seemed to like it fine. Six of us led the singing portion, and we had the words projected up on a screen for the assembled three hundred attendees to sing along. Enthusiasm builds easily, when we're preaching to the choir.

I’m up against a deadline for next Monday, March 30. The Embodied Life Stories class I'm part of will hold its culmination, to which we may invite friends, colleagues, and family. I have only an opening line and gesture. Better get cracking on that too!

Meanwhile, in order to procrastinate in a grand way today, I’ve made Broiled Salmon with Raspberry-Chipotle Sauce, Pasta with Zucchini and Basil, Shepherd’s Pie, Chinese Chicken Salad, Guacamole, plus, I’ve cut veggies, washed berries, cleaned house, made beds puff, puff, pant, pant.


Slightly regretting that I gave away my mother’s “F_ _ K Housework!” poster to my older daughter. Maybe I need to be reminded that the phrase is: "After the ecstasy, the laundry,"  not the other way around. Why I put chores before the writing is a puzzle worth unravelling. 

Sunday, March 15, 2015

How Many Lullabies?

I remember my Grammy Stern singing to me. She would lie in her tall double bed, singing to the ceiling. Right next to her, in the low army cot between her bed and the wall, I would look at the carnation flowered wall-paper for as long as I could stay awake. Mostly, I remember her singing Wynken, Blynken, and Nod. Eugene Field wrote that poem/song in 1889, the year my Gramps Stern was born! 

Perhaps she also sang Brahms’ Lullaby and Rock-a-Bye, Baby, but “...the wooden shoe that rocked the three was a wee one’s trundle bed...” is what sticks with me more than any other song.

Now, I’m a Grammy, and I sing to my granddaughter. I sang to my daughters too, but neither they, nor I remember that quite so well as that both their grandmas sang to them; Yiddish songs from one, and songs of social justice from the other.

There’s something about the voices of the ancestors singing down the line that has the power to calm, reassure, and safely tether that rocking trundle bed in the misty sea where the little stars were the herring fish. 

Maybe, when we’re parents, we’re too distracted by the dance of juggling so many balls... school, carpool schedules, play dates, bills, jobs, social calendars, shopping, cleaning, cooking, pet care, doctor check-ups, dentists... it’s enough to make me pull my hair with the memory of it all! 

Grandies have time, (if we make it), to hunker down and listen to the pace our grandkids set. Lucky is s/he who has leisure time to marvel at ant trails and follow them as far as little fingers, toes, and curious eyes want to go. Super lucky is s/he who remembers being sung to and can pass on the gift of right brain drift.

Saturday night found me with Miss D, who at five and three quarters has perfected the magic trick of wrapping all the adults in her surround around her little finger. Lucky was I, to be asked by her to sing “the lullabies,” at the end of our super-fun-day together.

“You can repeat some songs, too, Gra’Moose,” she said with her signature imperious 'etcetera’ hand gesture, made by circling her hand round and round at the end of her wrist. 

 I turned my head to look at her. 

“You can turn your head back to the ceiling, too, Gra’Moose,” her eyebrows knit together with heart-breaking earnestness. She was on her side, watching me.

“Yes, I can,” I said, quickly turning my head so she wouldn’t see the smile of recognition that threatened to turn into a laugh, brimming with inexplicable tears of joy. I wondered if she could see how much I love her as I sang, and how many lullabies would put her out to that misty sea.

I kept singing. The happy lump in my throat wobbled my voice a bit as I sang Wynken and Blynken, the Beatles lullaby, Paul Tracy’s Lala Gashle in a South African dialect, a couple from Marsha Berman and Patty Zeitlin, traditional songs, new-age and “neurotic” (GranPun’s joke), in short, any and all songs with melodic line and steady rhythm. 

In a way, singing is a dirty trick. Right brain is so hungry in this left-brain world, it is easily appeased and slips right into the sleep groove, pulling the rest of the body / mind with it. 

Grammy’s voice always won out over my best efforts to count those carnations. Eventually she would leave the room, clicking on the radio, tuned to softly crackling classical music. Pond’s cold cream, from her dresser, lingered in the air, and the familiar scent of Gramps’ cigar stub, in this coat pocket, wafted from the front hall closet. Reassured that all was right with the world, I’d drift into peaceful, blissful, dreamless sleep.  How many lullabies did it take?

Saturday, D and I enjoyed the first warm-enough-to-go-barefoot-day of the season, and the surprising heat of an early spring. Global warming seems to be right on schedule. The ants and fleas a little ahead of their usual industry. A wild turkey on a “turkey trot” down the road streaked by with a great gobble and a wobble. Who knew they could be so fleet of foot? Our own shoe-clad-for-the-long-winter feet felt tender in their bareness on the redwood bark and harsh asphalt street. We’ll need to do this bare-foot thing more often! Toughen up.

She walked/dragged the stuffed dog she’s named “Bubblegum,” on a lace leash - cleaning the walkways as we went along. Bubblegum's formerly white belly fur has a few oak leaves stuck to it. We pulled weeds, talked with neighbors, met the new Basenji puppy next door, the cat named "CB" for "Cry Baby" from across the street, and made surprises for Gran’Pun to find when he returns from camp.


Don’t ask me how many lullabies it took for D to land in dream-time. I was too blissful to count.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Addendum…

Here's a link to Princess Bride Out-Takes on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMZwX1LKllU

As You Wish

As You Wish...

Embedded in the phrase from one of my favorite movies is the understanding that it means, “I love you.”

Peter Falk plays the grandfather reading to his home-from-school-with-a-fever grandson, played by a young Fred Savage, with such tenderness, that it makes me tear up just remembering him looking over his shoulder as he exits the room with a wink and an, “As you wish.”

On a recent road-trip, I listened to As You Wish, by Cary Elwes. The sub-title is “Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride.” 

William Goldman’s book, The Princess Bride, tells a gem of a story involving giants, adventure, revenge, sword fights, torture, redemption, rodents of unusual size, and true love. Hearing the adventures of making the film of the same name, under the capable direction of Rob Reiner enthralled me for nearly a thousand miles, listening to most of the six CDs at least twice.

I was immersed in the improbable hoisting of Andre the Giant up the Cliffs of Insanity, as the miles spun by. I laughed aloud at the unlikely bruising of Mandy Patinkin’s rib while trying to suppress his laugh, so as not to ruin a take, while Billy Crystal was riffing on comparisons of “true love,” to that (now) famous MLT (mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich), and to a really good bowel movement - which, because of the G rating and family nature of the now cult-classic, with nearly as big a following as The Rocky Horror Picture Show, ended up as an “out-take.” It may be worthwhile to “youtube” Princess Bride Out-Takes!

To say I recommend the book, and in particular, the audio book, is an UNDER statement. Several of the principles share their recollections in their own voices.

Alas, Andre the Giant’s hulking 540 pound physical frame has been hoisted to where he’s no longer able to voice his recollections, so it is good and right that Cary Elwes has written them down.

If you get a chance...


As You Wish

Monday, March 2, 2015

Addendum… No Regrets

OH! This just in…

http://www.utne.com/mind-and-body/how-to-live-without-regrets.aspx?newsletter=1&utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_term=UTR%20eNews&utm_campaign=3.2.15%20Utne%20Uplifter%20eNews

Apropos of earlier post.


The Future's Not Ours to See

Imagination could never predict this future self. I'm feeling square peg-ish, with so many cozy affiliations in all my pockets, but the relationships I carry are from a different city. I'm trying to fit into the circular and oh, so smoothly rounded hole of a new-to-me-city. Everyone's lives are already so full, do they even have room for me? Might relocation have been easier a decade ago? I only know that I feel slow, tired, and a bit overwhelmed. Welcomed, but an unknown quantity to the warm hands extended to me.

Sunday morning found me at what neighbor Jean calls "The Church of Last Resort" in Montclair, for the second time. Mark was at camp for the weekend. Many artists, aging hippies, and independent thinkers make up the congregation. There are some young families as well. Seems like it might be a fit. A place to find community of like-minded folk to support and be supported by. I extend my hand to the ones offered.

"Glad to meet you Cheryl and Anita," I say.

“Studio City? Where’s that?

“Southern California. Where all the TV and some of the movie studios are. Part of Los Angeles.”

“Oh, yah! And what did you leave there?”

(Pardon me while I retrieve the lance stuck in my gut. Such a visceral wobble in my emotional body that it catches me off guard. 'Don’t get too intimate, maudlin, remorse-filled, don't show how hard it was to leave everything you've known for sixty six years behind' I censor myself.)

Out loud I say, “In December, I closed a practice of thirty years to move here - closer to our amazing granddaughter and daughter. I’m a trauma specialist...”

“Are you a therapist?”

“No, I’m a body worker. I work with babies who’ve had a rough entry into the world and folks recovering from falls, car crashes, surgeries... big owies.”

“Oh, that sounds (choose an adjective, I’ve heard all these and more) intense, interestingamazing, like nothing I’ve ever heard of before(!). Are you working here?”

“My husband and I have only been here two months and a few days working very little I’d like to write and continue to work a little” 

“Nice to meet you, Melissa! Welcome.”

And so it goes... around the social hall at the church, until it’s time to go into the room where neighbor Jean is leading 90 minutes of story telling. I carry my polka-dot cup with me from the social hall. Polka dots signal  “new-comers.” This is perhaps why, when I get lost in the wrong building, the red-headed organist from the service, spotting my cup, directs me so kindly to the correct room. 

I’m trying to make associations between faces and names. It’s odd how facial types remind me of those dear ones I left behind. Between two worlds, I’m easily moved to tears  - not just by the loss of the familiar, but also by the real kindness extended. Like beautiful music, which was plentiful in today’s service, my heart-strings are strummed, and I come back to harmony. If a damp-eyed harmony, it is still welcomed and re-calibrating. It's easier to allow the misty-eyed response during the service, when everyone is looking straight ahead, than it is when gazing into all these new faces.

The story telling was wonderfully engaging. I couldn’t believe how quickly the time flew. I was reluctant to leave so abruptly, but I’d told the worker scheduled to return Sunday to complete a job, that I’d be home at noon. Knowing that he’s been running one to three hours late for three of the three days he’s been working with us, I felt I could fudge it a little bit, but certainly wanted to be home by 1:30, so I ate, listened, and ran. I felt guilty for leaving my polka dot cup and a fork on the table. I don't know a thing about protocol here.

The worker arrived at three O’clock.

Now, if only I can keep all the names straight! I met more than thirty people today. Unlike at camp, where I sometimes borrow my husband’s trick when I'm stumped for the name of the person before me, of asking a camper how old she is now, and if she can stand on one foot and spell her first name, I’m not likely to ask the octogenarians to do that, just to see if they can or just so I can have a clue next time I see them what their name is!

I know I have a tendency to go which ever way the wind blows - sign of an early autonomy developmental disruption, says Bodynamics. It would be so easy to be an extra in everyone else's movie. What are those muscles again that need support? Oh, yes, Latissimus Dorsi. Placing my own hands there lends a more upright posture.

Now, I remember! I came north also to find time to write. Maybe I’m not so far blown off course by socializing and communing with new folks. The stories I heard on Sunday, a few in particular, were inspiring, and one of the gals, who is a published author, invited me to a Monday write group, which my neighbor also attends. I think I'll try it!

Maybe I can trust my instincts. Maybe all is unfolding exactly as it should. Maybe we cannot imagine the future, but only look back down the mountain and see how far we’ve come. The peak is mysterious; forever playing peek-a-boo with the clouds. 
Onward.