With apologies to those who expected my presence at Sunday events…
Due to the “rapture” rending the fabric of our family circle, my Monday Muse went awol. If that sounds like “the dog ate my homework…” it is, in a way, and it’s also the truth. So, instead of posting it Sunday night, I’m posting it later Monday. Make me stay after school if you must.
I had been to see Teresita again briefly Saturday afternoon at the Cardiac ICU. That evening, about the time I was registering people arriving at the Kyoto Grand Hotel and Gardens for the Mega-Reunion of Belmont High School’s classes of ’63-’67, Tere’s heart gave its final rhythm to those of us on this side of the veil. I got the news of her death about 1:45 Sunday morning when I got home from the reunion.
Glendale Memorial Hospital has never seen the likes of the flow of folks who were milling about, commiserating and camping out in two standing-room-only waiting rooms and in hall ways Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The irony is that I signed-up to volunteer at a Grief Camp at Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times over the weekend, where my beloved husband did go. I stayed behind this time having also volunteered for the reunion planning committee. I guess I was where I was meant to be.
Tere brought huge light to the planet and we had the benefit of that powerful presence for 74 short years. I only got to know her when my dear brother Steve married Tere’s elder daughter Victoria in 1991. She was, as Vicky described to me in the ICU waiting room at GMH Friday night, “a rock.” All of us are trying to grasp how life will be without her steadfast presence, moral compass and unconditional love.
Yesterday, at her home, the out-pouring of love, respect and anguish was palpable… flowers, food, company and conversation. Brother Steve put on a DVD compilation of family photos that he presented at a celebration four years ago for Tere’s 70th and for her younger daughter Maggie’s 40th… a grand Cuban style gala event with Tuxedos, speeches, dancing, of course, and formal gowns. All of us who were re-viewing the photo montage last night laughed and wept. Emilio, Tere’s husband, is being held in love and support. When someone whose light shines so brightly departs s/he leaves a BIG hole.
Questions I’m contemplating are:
1) As we take on the role vacated by a family member - in the case of my sister-in-law and her sister, the role of matriarch - are we required to heft the burden of our ancestors?
2) Can we honor the triumphs of the departed in overcoming adversity and aspire to wear the mantle lightly without letting it crush us with the weight of history?
3) What must be transmuted or composted in order for us to come fresh to the task of leading a family?
I believe Emilio has the strength to carry on even though he will be so sad without his beloved. Likewise, I sense Tere’s daughters Vicky and Maggie have all the tools they need to carry on, but like Dumbo and his magic feather, there may be a time of foundering and of feeling as if they cannot fly without their madre beacon Teresita. Healing is happening already. The family has strong bonds and a history of doing what’s right when Life throws curve balls. Leaving Castro's Cuba with only the clothes on their backs has steeled them all for tough times. The support of spouses, friends and extended family is invaluable.
Last night they found THE photo for the memorial program as we all watched the Birthday Bash DVD. Already the five grandsons, all very talented musicians, are rehearsing “Guantanamera” to play at the service. Stock in Kleenex has risen dramatically as demand skyrockets. Tears and laughter are like doing the laundry… laughter is the agitator and the salt water tears wash out the sludge, residual gunk and “grief-stains.”
How do you get through tough times? What helps you de-grief in times of loss? Who are your peeps to help you through? What beliefs do you hold re: life, death and the threshold in between them? How do we support young ones who may not have yet experienced the death of a loved one? Whatever is in your heart that wants to be expressed... I'd love to hear from you,
Melinda
5-23-11
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