Okay, google.
That's what Mark says to his phone or tablet.
OKAY, Mark... when are you going to google how to turn the sound down on your phone? It beebs and chirps and squeaks and farts at random times when you're getting messages, emails, notifications and just because it's willful and rude and it's very L - O - U - D.
I keep mine in silent mode during the day and put it in another room when retiring to bed for the night. I cannot stand the light of the screen, or the buzzing, or any other noises it makes, so I just put it out of sight, out of range of hearing, and out of mind for a full six to eight hours. Aaahhhhh. Silence.
Yours on the other hand, darling is in squawk mode 24/7.
Unaccustomed as I am to anger, I will NOT be angry about the noises that disturb my sleep, but I will be proactive to remind you that your office is a far superior place to park the noise-maker for the night.
Blowers. I hate them.
Are you plagued by blowers in your neighborhood? Mercifully, we are not, but have seen gardeners using the infernal and ridiculous machines on city streets, in parks, on parkways, and in front yards of homes in the hood slightly removed from ours. (No one on our street has the kind of yard that warrants that kind of maintenance, so it's a drive to find blowers in use.) Did I mention that I hate blowers?
When we lived in Studio City, our gardener of twelve years died of liver cancer. He was not a drinker. His liver gave out because he wore an infernal gasoline powered blower on his back and daily breathed in tetrahydrozaline, the compound that makes gasoline smelly. When Mike died, and I found out the cause, I banned the use of blowers on any property where we lived. Period. Blowers only scatter dust, leaves, grass clippings and NOISE. They do not clean up anything. A decent broom and pan would be embarrassed to do their job so poorly.
Blowers don't care. They barge in and take over an afternoon just wreaking havoc on quietly napping babies and seniors. A siesta is sacred time. Hanging a "Please do not disturb" sign on the front door does no good. Blowers don't read and their wielders don't care or don't get close enough to heed the plea. Gas powered motors pollute. Give a hoot. Don't pollute!
Another source of irritating noise is the motorcycle. Have you been dozing by a warm spot in your cozy home only to have your cozy dozy time blown to smithereens by the testosterosa trick of revving the engine whose muffler is hooked up to a megaphone? The caterwauling of a Harley Motor could wake the dead. Here's what I propose:
Choose electric. Electric engines are quiet. True, they only defer the burning of fossil fuels upstream, instead of in your very own engine, but maybe solar or wind will wend its way into our energy stream soon. But for now, the electric motors or even hybrids are much kinder to our ears.
Harley Davidson says they will be promoting electric engines on their 2020 models. Staunch supporters of the old-fashioned way of doing things relating to motorcycles may squawk, but being kind to the environment is not a wussy thing to do. Anymore, those who ignore the signs of climate crises do so at their own and everyone else's peril. No longer can we pretend that taking the blood of The Mother out of her veins and burning it to make clouds of carbon that change weather patterns is a good idea.
It is NOT nice to fool Mother Nature... said the sellers of New, New Nucoa, The Margarine larger in Vitamin A; New, New, Nucoa in one, two, three pats a day! (or was it Parque? Parkay?) That was the 1960s. Any way, even today, it's not nice to fool Mother Nature! Watch out. She's trying to get us Vermin Beings (or are we really human?) off her back! She's becoming the big bad wolf. She's huffing and puffing and trying to blow our houses down with wind gales that spin and pour water and create floods and drown as many of us and our unsuspecting fellow creatures on the planet as she can. Eerily, she hasn't (recently) shaken her back to be rid of us. I suspect when she does, it will be chalked up as San Andreas' Fault. Mother Earth... it's not nice to try to fool us either! Your'e the one who's trying to get rid of large swathes of the population. Don't point fingers at fault lines. They might get angry and become quite shaken up about things. So Please, Mama Earth, If we promise to be good and promise to reduce our carbon footprints and promise to reclaim as much of the carbon that is being released by the frozen tundra thawing as we can, will you, please, pretty please with carbon-eaters on top stop trying to shake us off your back? We'll be the best children you ever had. We'll try to curb our hubris, greed, and ignorance. Really we will.
Noise reduction is just a start.
Thank you, Mama!
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