Kids whose sibs are sick live in the shadows. Mom and Dad are preoccupied with the health and welfare of the child who is struggling with treatments, hospital stays and feeling awful. There’s no formula for getting through tough times that threaten to undermine families, only cobbled together plans. Neighbors, friends, and extended family members step up to the plate as best they can to care for the “healthy” siblings.
At Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times, they used to show a video to the new counselors, during orientation, to help us understand the sibling’s experience. It was filmed thirty years ago and, though it is dated, it graphically shows the toll exacted from these “lost in the shadows” kids. They suffer losses of love and protection, self-esteem, direction in life and, in some cases, end up with PTSD themselves - just from the vicarious trauma of witnessing their sibling’s grueling medicalized journeys. Sometimes, understandably, they feel totally neglected.
CRMfGT is a year round cost free camp for children with cancer and their families.
Another camp where we volunteer gives a slide show of the photos taken during family camps to each family participating, and to each counselor. The Painted Turtle camp offers sessions for various diagnoses - including liver transplant, kidney, asthma, PIDD, arthritis, diabetes, hemophelia, skeletal displasia and Crohn’s and colitis. When my husband and I watch the DVD, we see the family portraits taken Friday night followed by snapshots of everyone involved in various camp activities - such as: archery, ropes course and zip-line, horseback riding, woodshop, arts and crafts, carnival, stage night, dancing, making music and campfire.
Watching the evolution of comfort that increases exponentially from Friday evening through Sunday afternoon is nothing short of hypnotizing. I’m particularly ingrigued by the softening I see in the faces of siblings who feel the enveloping safety in this place where mom and dad don’t have to work so hard at jobs, nor do the cooking, driving, cleaning and extra care of the child with the diagnosis all by themselves, but rather have a little free attention and TIME to play with them - the “who-am-I, chopped-liver?” kids!
As families leave, many people are crying out-right: They do not want to leave this magical and sacred place.
Counselors, too, are moved to tears - not only because of the transformative quality of camp, but also because so much healing happens at camp that we have tears of joy to be able to witness it. The families are not the only ones to benefit - not by a long-shot. Our camp family - the bigger family that includes medical, maintenance and kitchen staff, volunteers, and, of course, the families who come to camp - is a crucible where our rough edges are melted off and our true gold has a place to shine and to reflect the beauty of every person who passes through the gates.
As Thanksgiving is just around the corner, I’m drawn to give a BIG shout out to Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times, The Painted Turtle and all the Serious Fun Network camps, Camp del Corazon and all the camps in the world that offer FUN for families struggling with an illness that's grabbed one of their children, while normalizing being a KID - not just a patient. I’m especially thankful to the camps that include the siblings of patients. Let’s bring them out of the shadows.
Happy Thanksgiving.
For more info on these camps please visit:
Each and every one of these camps runs on private donations. If, in the season of giving thanks, you feel moved to include one of those camps listed above, tell 'em "Pun and Moose sent me."
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