Good Grief

Sunday was Children's Remembrance Day for parents whose children died too young. At George Mark Children's House in San Leandro, many families gathered in the afternoon and early evening to decoupage memory jars with stickers, sayings, butterflies, and glitter, and they placed votive lights inside. Jarring memories of their beloved (pun intended) to take home.

From the kitchen came food, hot cider, warm hugs and lots of Kleenex.

In the Sanctuary two ceremonies were held, an early seating and a later one. Each family placed a single rose in a vase after speaking the name of their child aloud. What comfort in community! What beauty created out of tragic loss to see all those colorful roses together; to hear the sighs and cries and accept the make-up of the day for all assembled was streaming tears.

The Threshold Singers provided soft cushioning for our ears as all the names of children lost from the past thirteen years were read again. Four-hundred and twelve names read aloud from 2004 to 2017, from one facility in one community. 

It fell to me to translate the ceremony so that Spanish speaking families could partake. After the formal gathering, I spent the rest of the evening listening; primarily listening, sometimes mirroring the recuerdos (memories) of madres, padres y abuelitos. (Mothers and fathers and grandparents.)

I'm reminded that while terrible things happen in isolation; healing happens in community. 

To watch my beloved blowing bubbles and being his goofy, kid-magnet self with teeny baby beings to teens, was a great joy. I see him setting down and watering rootlets in our new chosen community. Ultimately, our ties to camps in Southern California will give way to these new venues for volunteerism closer to home. Kids are kids. Families all over are in need of the clown who can meet them where they are in their journey. Tears and laughter, so close together. 

Children with whom we've interacted over the years will never be forgotten, the long list will be added too with names of these new friends, families and fine folk who volunteer or professionally staff so many different venues ~ from hospitals to camps to hospice / respite care facilities.

Grief is a terrible thing to bear in solitude. Truly, it is borne as a lighter burden when carried in company and community.

From the ceremony:

We Remember Them

At the rising of the sun and at its going down,

We remember them

At the blowing of the wind and at the chill of winter, 

We remember them

At the opening buds and at the rebirth of spring,

We remember them

At the blueness of the sky and the warmth of summer, 

We remember them

At the rustling of the leaves and at the beauty of autumn,

We remember them

At the beginning of the year and when it ends,

We remember them

When we are weary and in need of strength,

We remember them

When we are lost and sick at heart,

We remember them

When we have joys we yearn to share,

We remember them

So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are now a part of us,

We remember them

Adapted from "The Gates of Prayer" 

by Rabbi Jack Reimer