Sucky Vacuums

Robo call number three from Repair Central in Chicago advised me that I could pick-up my “Sears Lifetime Warranted Vacuum Cleaner” NOW... in Burbank.

Two days before the robo-calls began, I got a call from a real-live-person at the actual pick-up place. 

“This is Tony from Sears Repair, calling about your vacuum cleaner. So, you gotta replace the hose, brush, filters and motor...”

“The motor? Really? I asked.

“Yes, it’s burned out. That’s why it kept shutting off. You’re lucky it didn’t catch fire.”

“Wow. How much to repair it?”

“$379.28”

“Amazing. A new one is less than that.”

“Yes, ma’am. Not worth fixing these things.

Laughing, I tell him, “This is the FIFTH ‘lifetime warranted’ vacuum cleaner my husband and I have bought in the last forty years. Why do they insist these puppies will last forever and claim that they’ll repair it - no matter what?”

“I don’t know, ma’am”

Not only do I feel OLD being called “ma’am, but my values are old-fashioned too, and I bridle at the non-truth of selling “lifetime warranted” vacuums. I finally get it... I’m a slow learner.  No matter what the warrantee says, you’ve got five to ten years MAX with these machines! That’s IT. So why not just buy a cheap model and know it will last for some time and then you play Taps for it and send it to Goodwill?

When I met my husband he had a lovely avocado green and beige, over-the-shoulder vacuum with a long hose attachment. It came from the Prize Department for one of the game shows on which he worked. It served us well for over twenty five years! 

At some point, when we had plush carpet that the two-tone wonder couldn’t touch, we bought a “Royal Upright.” It had a Lifetime warrantee! Wow, we thought! This is the last vacuum we’ll ever need. We continued to use the green wonder on uncarpeted floors.

Four Lifetime Vacuums later... we realize that NOTHING can be guaranteed, warranted or made to last forever.

Life is precious. No sense in holding grudges... but still... vacuums that don’t work really suck!